The Contentment Bin

I find myself sitting in front of the computer reviewing my blog realizing I have been in a bit of a blogging slump. My life is still as full as it was in the past when posts were coming at the rate of two a month, but I have not taken time to record all of it--the ups and the downs. Maybe I haven't wanted to record all of it. But there is a lot that I have neglected to share, to confess.

My world hasn't been such that I find myself in the news everyday. Nope my little neck of the woods is pretty tame compared to others. But I have been living this life. In the Old Testament whenever one experienced a profound moment with the Lord they erected an altar that stood for everyone who passed by to see. Maybe this is my place. Maybe it will only serve to bear witness to my family, to me, but whatever the purpose, tonight I needed to stop folding clothes, ironing clothes, packing lunches to testify.

Here we are 15 days from Christmas. Just 14 days before we celebrated Thanksgiving. I had a lot to be thankful for, however, I am sure I forgot much more. And honestly, two short weeks later I find myself forgetting to be thankful all over again.

Chris is in a hard industry. When the economy is bad his job suffers. I mean who wants to go out and spend $40.00 for a family of 4 to eat ONE meal when that same dollar amount could feed that family for an entire week? While we are EXTREMELY glad to have his job, we have suffered loss financially. So the belt has been tightened and we've cut corners again. We've been here before, but it seems for some reason that as I get older it wears on us more. This is the first time I think I've really seen Chris take it so hard. He loves this company, and he's striving with all he has to do his best because he doesn't want to fail. That's hard for me to see.

So we've questioned "do the boys really need EVERYTHING on their lists?" And I've truly felt Jesus saying this year, "I wish you would've asked that much sooner." The truth is they don't. But why do I feel so bad for not providing it ALL? Please don't feel sorry for me (if anyone still reads this thing). My children will have a very adequate Christmas. But compared to Christmas' of the past it may not seem so to them. I have to learn to take a stand for them. Giving them everything doesn't teach them to value anything. But you can't teach contentment. Sure we say "I've learned to be content." But how did you learn to be content? By NOT being content and realizing how that feels. Your mom/dad didn't say "okay today I will teach you to tie your shoes and-to-be-content."

I was trying to find some winter clothes for Noah tonight. So I was going through bins of old clothes from Mark and Matthew. I pulled out quite a few sweaters. And I felt content. I felt grateful. Someone else might not value hand-me-downs. But man it is a good feeling to know that those clothes are there, that my baby will not go to school cold. And God said, "See, I always provide all you need right when you need it. Trust that where you are right now is exactly where I want you--be content in that."

Lord, just as my children are learning, so am I. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your mercies which are new every morning. Help me to trust you--right where I am. Pour into me a spirit of contentment. And most of all thank you Lord--for hand-me-downs. I love you!