My Heart's Cry

I lit a candle tonight and thought of you. Not the kind that you see in churches on TV, but the fragrant kind. It reminded me of how I could go to your house and you always had candles burning. How you would find a new scent that you loved and that would be the fragrance you burned for months until a newer one came out. I watched the candle's glow and it reminded me of how I always felt a warmth in my heart when we spent time together. But now, things have changed, and I wonder where that person is. What have I done that has pushed you so far from me? What has happened to you that has completely changed who you are? I look at you, but don't see the person I knew anymore. You poured so much of yourself into me and who I became, but those same values and morals that you made sure I clung to you have tossed to the wind. My children ask for you and wonder why you don't come around, but instead of telling them all of these things I simply say "I don't know boys." I know you have value, but the choices you've made do not show that YOU believe in your value. How can you tell me that you are proud of who I have become yet choose to live completely contrary to who I am? I feel replaced by your new lifestyle. You are clinging to the freedom and happiness you've found for yourself so tightly right now that you have no room in those arms for me. Love hurts, as the old saying goes. And I am hurting. Whether you realize that or not I do not know. Whether you care or not I do not know. But I want you to know that while I do not love the choices you are making, I still love you. I still pray for God's protection over you. I still wish you everlasting joy--that can't be found in a bottle, a club, a fast car, on the back of motorcycle, or in another person's arms. I hope that all your searching will lead you to that joy some day. Until then, I will wait from afar and pray that my heart heals.