What if...

I feel a bit lighter today, and a bit more panicked. I do not like buying high ticket items. Never have. I'll sit in a chair for years that should have been replaced long before. I'll use an old pan risking every carcinogen invading my body before I will break down a buy a new set. So, when Chris started hounding me about a digital camera I staunchly refused. But secretly I wanted one. All of my cute little nursery employees always whipped out their cameras to show me their latest adventures and I was always secretly jealous. Finally this March, Chris took me out and bought me a camera. It was a rather nice Kodak 12x zoom with a 6.1 mega pixel resolution. I have LOVED taking pictures with my camera and took it with me everywhere. But sometime in late April it started messing up. I chatted with an online tech who proceeded to tell me it needed to be sent in because the hard drive that stores the pixels sounds as if it is malfunctioning. Don't really know what all that means, other than I have to be without my camera. And I was kind of mad anyway because I did not have it for my son's 5th grade banquet because the picture quality was so poor. I have been putting off and putting off the return since it does have to travel all the way to Enfield CT, but finally Saturday I sent it off. Now I will not have it for the 4th. And I miss my camera. Thus, the reason why I have yet to post pictures of our new abode. It is only supposed to take 10-12 days, but I am very nervous about the whole process. What if I forgot something? What if it gets lost in the mail? What if they say the damage is my fault (although it isn't--I wouldn't even let Chris operate my camera)? What if, what if, what if. My oh my how our lives can be ruled and ruined by the what ifs.

What if I don't show my children enough love? What if I rub people the wrong way? What if I don't start taking better care of my health? Another post all together. What if my husband losses his job? That's a BIG one for me. What if people don't like me? Another big one. What if my van breaks down? What if I am left behind when the rapture happens? Am I the only one who wonders that one?! Sometimes I hate even uttering the what ifs, because what if saying them makes them really happen?

The bible says in Psalm 62:5 "My soul waits only upon God; for my expectation is from Him." The commentary I am reading on that particular verse says that one of the most serious and powerful facts in human nature is that you are likely to get what you are basically expecting. Do I always expect negative outcomes, or do I maintain an attitude of faith and expectancy on God. I have spent years expecting the other shoe to fall anytime something good happens. So when it does I say I told you so! I told you so! Instead of expecting God to continue pouring out the goodness, not because I necessarily deserve it, but because that is God's nature and He is faithful even when I am UNfaithful (in my words, my faith, my belief).

I just meant to send my camera in, I certainly did not intend to learn a life lesson from this! But you know what...my camera will be just fine. And when I get it back be prepared to be photogged out! Because what if, just what if, it works even better than before? :-D