Listen Quietly

Dear Boys,

As I watch you grow, I am learning how to be less of a boss and more of a confidant. Don't get me wrong. I will ALWAYS have the final say, but I am learning that I need to teach you how to find answers for yourself.

This week as I prepared the bible lesson for my nursery kiddos, I was reminded of a time when I was not much older than you Mark. My little kids heard the bible story "Samuel listens to God" based on 1 Samuel 3:1-19. They each got to make "stethoscopes" to remind them to listen to God with their hearts. I have learned early on the importance of listening to God with my heart. That doesn't mean I've always done it, but I've always known that it is critical to my life and walk.

I was sixteen when I met a young man at a Christian concert. We hit it off almost instantly. And the physical attraction was obvious to those friends of ours who were close to us. It took about a year for either of us to vocalize our feelings for one another. But in that time of becoming friends I knew I was falling for this young man. He was a Christian, and he was active in his church. He even thought maybe God was calling him into the ministry. Knowing he truly loved the Lord was such a big deal for me. I always knew I wanted to marry a Christian man. And, at seventeen, I secretly began praying for a future with John Q. Christian. Still, part of me kept saying that any kind of relationship outside of friendship with this young man was not from God. I was so confused. I did not understand why God would bring such a young man into my life if He did not intend for us to spend eternity together. I remember praying fervently about the situation. I still even have some old prayer journals where our relationship was the center of my prayers. In one entry I wrote, "Dear God if this is not from you then I need you to hit me over the head with a 2x4 because I am REALLY falling for this guy."

Our relationship was off and on for a couple of years. But we always seemed to find our ways back to one another when we failed in another relationship. Yet it always wound up the same way, and he was ever hesitant to commit to me. See, he was Anglo. And because I am bi-racial with an Hispanic father he was very nervous about what his parents would think of me. I know that was his way of trying to protect me, but the thought that someone (especially someone who was a Christian) would judge me based on my outward appearance and not my heart was devastating.

I finally let my hopes of a future with this young man go, and I was devastated. After all, for two years I had been praying for a 2x4, because I just knew I could not miss such an obvious sign from God. But God never gave me that blow to the head.

Now that I am older, I can look back and see how God was speaking to me the whole time. I felt Him telling me when I prayed. And I felt Him telling me when I spoke to this young man, even though he was a believer. Even though I know he loved the Lord too. My time in and out of this relationship taught me that while God can speak to us in BIG ways, He more often whispers in the quiet nights of our lives.

Had I listened to my Heavenly Father, I would have avoided heartbreak. God moved me on from that time though, despite the fact that I did not listen to His heeding. And I want you to know that I do not regret that failed relationship with Mr. John Q. Christian. I very much love the man I am married to and pray that God would allow me a lifetime of memories with your daddy.

But I wanted to share this moment in my life with you to remind you that God is speaking in your life. Right Now. And I promise if you put down the DS's, the MP3's, the Wii remotes, and the comic books and take the time to WAIT and LISTEN you will hear Him. Just like Samuel did. And when you do hear Him it is my prayer that you will be like Samuel and say "Speak for your servant hears." I promise a lifetime of hearing and obeying is more comforting than anything else you may ever feel, even if it "seems" so right. It may not always make sense to choose that path of "blind obedience" but remember if you trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, and acknowledge Him in all your ways, He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

And any path the Lord takes you on will always end in blessing. Trust me. I know.