Storybooks

We have been going through a series in our church this month called, "this is my story". Everyone has one...a story that is. Maybe yours was written like a Little House on the Prairie book, with lots of beautiful descriptions of the scenery. Maybe yours is more like a historical piece with not many adjectives, but lots of important facts. Or maybe, yours is like a strange, crazy, and many times scary Stephen King novel.

Mine, was a bit of all three. I was born in the mid seventies, and I have lived in one state all of my life. I can also think of times when things were pretty, and calm, and serene...summers with my great grandparents on their little farm, weekends with my grandma with dessert served before dinner on many occasions, trips with my youth group to fun places like amusement parks and ski slopes. Bun sadly, there have been many dark chapters as well. Chapters I would rather forget, chapters I wish I never had to live. Honestly, there are things in my childhood that I don't know how I survived. There are pages I wish I never had to live through. I look at my sweet boys and THANK GOD that they have never experienced such things. And if I was really truthful with you, and myself, I have at times also questioned God. Why did He place me in the family he placed me in. Why, if He was so loving, did He let me experience such horrors, such sadness? There were many years that I could not reconcile God's love for me, with what I felt like was abandonment. But, the Lord promises in Philippians 1:6 that He who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day I return to Christ Jesus. His word says in Romans 8:28 we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. When I was younger I didn't understand those verses. They sounded good and were "big in the faith" verses to memorize and quote. But I didn't have a grasp on their deepest meanings. Now, after the sudden and unexpected death of my grandma, the death of my grandpa seven days later, the nasty divorce of my parents, and the challenging crisis of faith my 15 year old experienced I am in a different place. And now I see, those pretty chapters, with my precious grandparents. God hand placed those people in my life to make me see Jesus with skin. They gave me a love and acceptance that I was deeply lacking at home. Those fun adventurous chapters with my youth group gave me a much needed respite from the serious issues facing me in my real world. No, God did not remove me from all that could have destroyed me... physically or emotionally. But He gave me many buffers from the rough seas of life. His promise in Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” He was with me, in every sad moment, in every scary moment, even in every moment when I questioned the very life He breathed into me, and my very reasons for living. And because I do believe He is at His core a loving God, I believe He was weeping right along side me.

You may be asking, "well if He was so loving why did He let you endure all of that as an innocent child?" Well, 1st) He gives everyone free will...EVERYONE. Who would want someone to love them if it was forced? I don't want my husband to stay with me out of obligation. I want him to stay because he loves me. So it is with God, He wants us to become Christ followers because WE want to. He's not going to force us to be better people. To give up our vices and our stumbling blocks in exchange for the newness He has for us. Those who were hurtful to me had their choices, and now they have the forever consequences of those choices. 2nd) As I said, He gave me some wonderful buffers from those rough seas...my grandparents, my youth group, my youth directors. I didn't know that was what they were at the time. I didn't appreciate what I received while I was with them all those years ago. But now, now that I can see in hindsight I realize that is exactly what I got. And like a marathon runner grabbing that cold cup of water from the water station, many times those moments were enough to get me through the next leg. And 3rd) God doesn't waste a hurt.If we follow Him, He has promised to to work ALL things for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. So He has a purpose for me. And those things I experienced all those years ago, God will redeem, and use them for His glory. Maybe to raise me up to be a buffer for someone else. For that I am humbled, and eternally grateful. And I know, God is still writing my love story.