To My Father

Dear Lord, I don't understand what is going on right now. My heart is so heavy. You tell us to cast all our cares upon you (1 Peter 5:7). You also tell us that you will not give us more than we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).

I feel as though I can bear no more. Although I sometimes feel as an outsider in my own family, right now I would welcome that feeling if you would just take this one away.

I can not fix this problem. And for me, a control freak to the core, it tears me up that I can't make it better. It makes me so sad to see the hurt in others eyes. It makes me so sad to know that because we are human, this problem could go on indefinitely. I feel as though I am worthless. I feel as though my presence in this situation can not make things better.

I am not sure what it is that you want me to take from this time. I know that I need to depend on you. And I am so grateful that you never tell me to suck it up. I am so grateful that you are there 24 hours a day. I am so grateful that you DON'T give me a list of things for me to trouble shoot my own problems with. I am so grateful for those friends I can call and cry to. I am so grateful for those same friends who will pray for and cry with me.

But Lord, I am asking YOU to hear my heart. Father I BEG you for restoration. I BEG you for healing. IBEG you for peace. I BEG you for reconciliation. The bible tells us hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12). Please do not linger. PLEASE Father keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow in your wing. (Psalms 17:8) . NOTHING is too hard for you. Jeremiah 32:17. You are able to do even more than I ask or imagine according to the power that is at work within each of us. Ephesians 3:20. In Your faithfulness and righteousness come to our relief Psalms 143:1.

I am tired. Father physically and mentally. I am weak Father. Abba, Daddy, please carry me. And as You do I will sing...

"I will praise you in this storm. And I will lift my hands. For you are who you are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried you hold in your hand. You've never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."