Have you ever found yourself the target of some one's wrath?! Have you ever been going along minding your own business and find yourself in the middle of an explosion that forever alters your spirit or hurts your heart?
I have. It seems as though God has given me MANY opportunities to know those kinds of people, both family and friends. You know...the kind who will somehow find a way to blame you for whatever it is that is bothering them at that very given moment--even if you had nothing to do with their situation.
And the saddest part is that the anger, the bitterness, that poisons our relationships comes from the hearts of Christians. I have had conflicts with non-Christians that end better than with believers. Why is that?
I don't deal well with conflict. When I was growing up, it was much easier to retreat into my own little world than to push a conflict, or rather push for a resolution in a conflict. So it is that way now too. For me it is like being attacked by a pit bull then asking me to pet the next one I see walking down the street. NO. THANK . YOU.
Yet my desire to keep all of my limbs makes me an easy target for blame. "Well I attacked you, but YOU made no effort to reach out." "Don't say you love me." "If you loved me you would understand this is how I am and you should accept me in spite of that." I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't bounce back after being thrown against a brick wall. And I do love you in spite of your shortcomings, but that doesn't mean I deserve the brunt of your anger because I love you.
I think maybe I'm an enabler for people like that. Or maybe God put me into relationships with so many people like that because He wants me to learn NOT to be that way. I'm trying. I'm not perfect. I still unload on my children, those gifts from God. I still snap at my husband, my best friend. But then God snaps right back. Because when I hurt one of His children I hurt Him. Does that mean He hurts when I hurt? He reminds me of His grace. He reminds me of peace.
I have. It seems as though God has given me MANY opportunities to know those kinds of people, both family and friends. You know...the kind who will somehow find a way to blame you for whatever it is that is bothering them at that very given moment--even if you had nothing to do with their situation.
And the saddest part is that the anger, the bitterness, that poisons our relationships comes from the hearts of Christians. I have had conflicts with non-Christians that end better than with believers. Why is that?
I don't deal well with conflict. When I was growing up, it was much easier to retreat into my own little world than to push a conflict, or rather push for a resolution in a conflict. So it is that way now too. For me it is like being attacked by a pit bull then asking me to pet the next one I see walking down the street. NO. THANK . YOU.
Yet my desire to keep all of my limbs makes me an easy target for blame. "Well I attacked you, but YOU made no effort to reach out." "Don't say you love me." "If you loved me you would understand this is how I am and you should accept me in spite of that." I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't bounce back after being thrown against a brick wall. And I do love you in spite of your shortcomings, but that doesn't mean I deserve the brunt of your anger because I love you.
I think maybe I'm an enabler for people like that. Or maybe God put me into relationships with so many people like that because He wants me to learn NOT to be that way. I'm trying. I'm not perfect. I still unload on my children, those gifts from God. I still snap at my husband, my best friend. But then God snaps right back. Because when I hurt one of His children I hurt Him. Does that mean He hurts when I hurt? He reminds me of His grace. He reminds me of peace.
"Turn from Evil and do good; seek peace and PURSUE it." Psalms 34:14
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
So...loved one...I am PURSING peace. Maybe not the way you would, but God is working on me. And I am SO grateful for your grace in understanding that. Just as I pray for God to mold me into His likeness, I pray for you too. I pray blessings and peace and joy and hope into your life. Regardless of if I am a part of it or not. Because I'm not who I was.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
So...loved one...I am PURSING peace. Maybe not the way you would, but God is working on me. And I am SO grateful for your grace in understanding that. Just as I pray for God to mold me into His likeness, I pray for you too. I pray blessings and peace and joy and hope into your life. Regardless of if I am a part of it or not. Because I'm not who I was.
3 comments:
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:10
You are your Father's child. I know you make Him proud with every word and gesture of peace and grace you bring into the lives of those around you. It is just who you are.
Elaine,
I just wanted you to know that sometimes I read your blog at just the right time. I don't usually leave a note but thanks for being an instrument of God and sharing your life with us all.
TL
Wow...your words touch me. Isn't the bad stuff always easier to believe?
I hope that the truth of my life always shines through this crazy blog. And that truth is this: My life is pretty messed up, but God is working on me and He loves me in spite of my mess.
And, the added bonus--God reminding me that I have some amazing women as friends--regardless if they are near or far. I love you both.
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