Lessons from the bottom

Several years ago we were at one of the worst places in our lives--or so it seemed at the time. It was December 10th, 2006 and Chris was working for a small company (we'll call them "Henry's"). They were struggling to meet payroll from week to week. They were six weeks behind every quarter at paying out bonuses. They cut insurance without telling the management until six weeks later. Their most recent restaurant in another town was shut down. And they were looking to cut the management staff. We knew it. But since Chris was not the newest hire, nor the highest paid we thought we would be okay. That morning we found out we were not. He was let go.

Luckily, we had already bought all of the boys Christmas gifts. But that year all I could afford to get Chris was an electric razor for thirty dollars. I was scared out of my mind. Within the week's end Chris had a job working as a fry cook making ten dollars an hour. By the end of the month he was working for a previous employer. It was over a ten thousand dollar pay cut but we were relieved and felt such overwhelming joy to have a job that we found ways to make cuts. It was hard, and at one point I remember going to my mom and crying because I did not even know where the money for the boys haircuts would come from. But I learned that instead of every five weeks they could be stretched to every six weeks. That would save us sixty dollars a year. Doesn't sound like much but when you don't have much to start with sixty dollars is A LOT! Five months later, Chris was offered another job. A job he had applied for six months earlier. When the recruiter offered him the position it was for more than what he was making with "Henry's".

We thought that was a scary time. We thought that we couldn't face anything worse. But this week we faced something just as terrifying. We were faced with serious choices, and even more serious consequences. Fear, that I had not felt in several years, came rushing back. When it was time to kiss the boys good night I squeezed a little harder and held on a little longer. Every moment that I prayed, I prayed a little more earnestly and deeply. It drew me to love the man I married more with each glance in his direction. It was three days of soul wrenching prayer. I have a family member who believes that if you confess Jesus, then you should never doubt He has good for you. You should exercise your faith and believe everything will be okay. Well, I guess I am just not as strong as this person is. Because in my weakness it is easy to question, to entertain thoughts from the enemy. I am not proud to admit that, but it is who I am. However, because of God, it is not who I will always be.

After three days God answered our prayers. Relief swept over me like a mighty river. I am grateful for His provision. I am grateful for His mercy. And while I don't understand why these types of things have to happen to believers, I do believe God when He says, that He works all things together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28. I believe that the testing of my faith has produced patience. James 1:3. This time was a reminder to me of what is truly valuable. It was a wake up call that I have a L-O-O-O-N-G way to go.

But God gave us some pretty amazing people to guide us through this time: single friends, single moms, youth members, little brothers, mothers, and sisters. Some knowing exactly what we felt, some simply hurting for us. Yet each one was a reminder from God, and He was saying "Child, I love you. Trust Me. For I know the plans I have for you, to give you a future and a hope." And most likely those are things I would not have remembered if I had not learned them from the depths of my pain, from the empty bottom of my soul. I am glad God taught me something through this, and I pray I never forget it.

"Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:12-14a