Wishes

"All of these lines across my face Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
All of the friends who think I'm blessed
They don't know I am a mess" --Brandi Carlile

I celebrated 35 years of life this year. I spent the day out on the soccer field with a bunch of 14 year-olds. And while teenagers (boys in particular) tend to be quite self absorbed, they took time out in between games to sing Happy Birthday to me. Oh how that made me smile.

In my thirty-five years I have been blessed to marry my best friend; I have had the privilege of carrying three new lives inside me and birthing them into this great big world; I have never had a ticket of any kind and just this week was involved in my very first accident. I have learned that I can not please all people, but have not learned how to stop trying. I have figured out I am an emotional eater, but taking a two-mile walk when I am upset feels even better than a hot fudge sundae. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a bit OCD in certain areas, but realize house cleaning is not one of them. I understand what it means now when someone says "they're set in their ways". I find age is "setting" me a bit more than I find comfortable. I am learning that just because I do not share the same bloodline with someone does not mean they are not my true family. I am coming to terms with the fact that I sincerely can not earn my salvation, nor can I lose it. I am saved by His grace, and I continue to grow up in that same grace a bit more every day. And this year this is my birthday wish: that I might be a blessing to my Father, and those around me. Not more money (although that would be nice), not a bigger house, not a thinner waist line (that would be REALLY nice). But a simple wish that God would look at me and be pleased, that He would see my heart and know my motives are pure, and that every smile I give someone else, every bit of myself that I pour out to others would be received as a blessing with a reminder of exactly who I belong to.