When you live with children, or work with children, you learn very quickly that they are big tattle tells.
"Mom...his elbow is on my side of the dinner table."
"Mom...he's watching over my shoulder while I play my DS."
"Mom...he took the bigger pancake, AND is hogging all of the syrup."
"Mom...I wanted to brush my teeth in your bathroom, but he ran in there first."
"Well use your bathroom."
"I didn't want to use my bathroom."
"Mom...he started his shower first!"
"Well use my bathroom."
"I didn't want to use your bathroom."
Tattle tell. ALL. OF. THE. TIME. My rule has been, since the children could talk, that unless someone was bleeding or on fire I did not want to hear it. Yet, they try to slip it in there anyway. And I used to think that it was just a stage and once they got older they would outgrow it. But recently my thirteen year old came in here to tattle on his SIX YEAR OLD BROTHER. But the thing with tattling is that I already know. Honestly, I hear the argument, I see the color being jerked out of brother's hand. I am not oblivious to their disagreements--even though they come running to me like I am. But the reason I don't allow tattling is because it is disruptive. One child walks away feeling vindicated another walks away feeling slighted. One child inevitably says I love the other brother more. So I choose not to get involved. They know my rule. "If, it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 That may mean you have to walk away, it may mean you have to give in and let your brother choose the movie this time, it may mean you have to give in and allow your brother to have the last oatmeal cream pie. But we have plenty of bananas if anyone wants one of those. And it may mean that you have to give in and forgive your brother for those hurtful words--EVEN if he never asks you for forgiveness.
UGGGGHHHH! It's hard being a kid! I see all of you moms and educators out there rolling your eyes in fake sympathy. But you know what...I really do understand their pain. Because how many times have I gone to the Father tattling on someone else.
"God...he didn't ask for my help."
"God...she took my idea."
"God...she said (fill in the blank) about me."
"God...he..."
Ouch. I am a spiritual tattle tell! And oh how that must hurt God. Because He knows. He saw the problem, He knows the situation. And He loves us both. So He's sitting here listening to me whine and cry and He's saying, "Okay what do you want me to do? What would be fair? Really...constricting her vocal chords is nice? No...I will not give the same thing back to him."
See I don't think it is a matter of God not caring. I know He sees when I hurt. I know He wants me to talk to Him, but if I'm not bleeding and my hair is not on fire I don't think my God will step in and magically fix things. And even if He did tan the other person's hide today, wouldn't He have to turn around and do the same thing to me tomorrow? No, instead He reminds me..."If, it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
My kids have so much to learn about loving one another. But so do I. Because in the same way I want others to accept me--faults and all--I must give no less. And while my Father admonishes me, He encourages me as well. "Being confident of this very thing that HE who began a good work in you would perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6. He's not finished with me yet, and I am so glad.
And if you see my monkey tail dragging the ground, please don't step on it.
3 comments:
It' funny how those sayings can be different depending on where you grew up. We always said, "Hanging by a bull's tail." So now I'm going to tattle on my brother for teaching me the wrong words. :)
You make such a good point. We do the same thing as the children. I think the difference is, we tend to justify it because our tattling isn't petty like theirs ... it's about REAL issues ... hurtful issues. That's what we think.
I need to step back and put things in perspective. If I'm not bleeding or on fire, maybe I should just let it slide.
Thanks Elaine ... I needed this today.
You know, I sat here and thought and thought--is it really a monkey's tail? It seems like that is what the kids would say on the playground. I THINK I remember a teacher having a paper monkey's tail hanging in her classroom for repeat offenders. Don't think that would be allowed today.
And you're right. I think for me the tattling can stem from hurtful issues, but after a good cry sessions with the Father, I tend to come back to it, and say "God can you believe ...." I know He cares and He walks me through these times. But He has to at some point say "We've discussed this. I'm not going through it again. world hunger is taking priority this time."
Oh how true you are!! I thought MY kids were the only one who were king of the tattles! I always say when they run in with that "tattle-voice," "Is anyone bleeding? Is anyone dying? Did someone's arm get pulled off? Then work it out yourself. If you can't work it out then walk away." ARUGH!!!!!! I KNOW I used to do the same with my brother, but after a time, it was more like "MOM! He's NOT looking at me! MOM! He's not bothering me!" :-D
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